4 Common Arguments Against De-Cluttering
What comes to mind when you hear the word, "de-cluttering"? Do you envision a sparse, minimal space with little furnishings and decor? Or hours spent on the weekend going through boxes of things. Perhaps you equate de-cluttering to detoxing. You know that its beneficial to you but you don't find it all that fun. All of these are valid answers. I've certainly held similar ones in the past. However I believe that de-cluttering like de-toxing, is a way to get rid of the yuck in our lives in order to make room for what is healthy and relevant. Our possessions can be a source of contention when discussing the idea of de-cluttering. For some, they don't see the value in it. They may ask, "what is wrong with all of my stuff? Why should I consider letting any of it go?" My response is that there is nothing inherently wrong with "stuff". To an extent, we all need stuff in our lives: food, water, shelter, clothing, and companionship. The stuff only becomes a problem when it begins to dictate our life and distract us from the values that we hold. It becomes an issue when our money and possessions are what we find our value and identity in.
See how this can be a touchy subject? For many people (myself included), we do find our identity in our possessions to an extent. Our wardrobe and how we decorate our homes for example, are a reflection of our personal style and values. They portray an image to the world. Now there is nothing wrong with desiring to have a particular look or style - I am an interior stylist after all! The issue is that our style only goes so deep. Its not really who we are. I'll give an example:
My name is Anna Elizabeth Eskridge. I am a interior stylist and design consultant, with a degree in Interior Design, that lives in Williamsburg, VA with my husband of three years. We live in a two-bedroom apartment that is for the most part well furnished. My wardrobe and home reflects a sort of bohemian, California-chic style and contains an equal mix of quality and budget-friendly items; some bought ourselves and some inherited by family.
These sentences along with some images of our home would give you an idea of what my personal style is like. Bohemian, laid-back, and chic. These words however don't really define who I am. Who I am and my values on the other hand do. What if our apartment burned down tomorrow? My wardrobe, fine china and degree hanging on the wall just went up in flames. Would I still be the same person without these things? Of course I would. When we let go of possessions we are not letting go of our true identity but are rather making room for that true identity to surface. We along with our community are able to see who we really are and what we really treasure. This process while liberating can be difficult and emotional. You are challenging what you say you value and how you are actually living your life. Just as inflammation may arise when going on a detox, arguments and set backs can come up as we begin our journey of de-cluttering.
I don't use that now but I might need it someday.
One of the most common arguments that people have when first embarking on their de-cluttering journey is, "I don't use that now but I might need it someday". This argument is one that I used to cling to. Everything from my wardrobe to my craft closet held things that I desired to keep "just in case". They were items that I had either inherited or spent my well-earned money on and couldn't imagine letting go of. What helped get over this de-cluttering hurdle the most was when I did some reflective work and asked myself: "what does my current lifestyle look like?", "what are my values?", "what kind of lifestyle do I desire to live in the future?", and "do the items that I own align with those values?". Asking myself these questions was powerful. I realized that I had bought stuff years ago with this idea in mind of what my life would be like right now. I had tried looking into the future where I envisioned being married, having a baby with another on the way, working at a corporate job, hosting semi-regular dinner parties, and continuing to have time for arts and crafts on the weekends. My husband and I would be living in our first home, which would need to look magazine ready of course, so that I could post pictures of it weekly on my blog. I believed that that was what my life needed to look like in order to be happy and successful. I don't know exactly where I had gotten these ideas from but looking back I believe that its was a cumulation of things that are fed to us from an early age via the media and our consumer society. After doing my reflective work and asking myself these core questions, I began to quickly let go of things. I realized that I really didn't need a collection of suits or 6" heels. I didn't need to have boxes of art supplies and crafts when really I rather pursue my interest in photography. I also didn't need fancy platters, casserole dishes, and cupcake tins because I've discovered that my style of entertaining is much more relaxed and holistic. So what if there comes a time in the future where I find myself in need a suit or wanting to take up painting again? Then okay, I can go out and get those things. They'll still be around. I don't need to hoard these things for an occasion that may never occur. By holding on to these things you don't really need, love or use we are are also saying to the universe or God (whatever you believe in) that we won't be able to afford or acquire what we need in the future.
I can't get rid of this because it was expensive.
This leads into our second common argument which is, "I can't get rid of that because it was expensive." I am not saying that we should be getting rid of our possessions haphazardly and without any thought but I do believe that when evaluating whether we want to get rid of a particular item we shouldn't focus on it's price tag. The more important questions that we should be asking are: "do I love this?", "do I use this regularly?", "does this hold me back from my values?", and "what is this [expensive item] costing me?" If your answer to all three of these is "no" than I would encourage you to seriously consider getting rid of that item. My husband and I had to ask ourselves these very same questions this past year when we were going through our home and re-evaluating some of our items in it, such as our T.V. It was about this same time that we had just finished coming up with our family's core values: lightheartedness, family, gratitude, service, faith, and sustainability. Please don't get me wrong, it is not bad to own a T.V. My husband and I both have lots of great memories from when we were growing up of gathering around the T.V. to watch movies with our family or to play video games with friends. It's just that now years later, we don't find ourselves really using our T.V. all that much. Sure there are times where we might binge watch (hello, House of Cards) however in general we really only watch 30-60 minutes a day; something that we could always do that on my tablet or Kyle's laptop. While there isn't anything wrong with occasionally chilling on the couch in front of the T.V. we as a family decided that we did not want our T.V. to become the focal point of our home. We didn't want our living room or social interactions when people come over to be centered around this device. I have to admit that it was a little hard and weird getting rid of this thing that just a couple of years ago we had spent a few hundred dollars on, however we found that when we asked ourselves those same four questions mentioned above, that our answers were "no", "no", "no", and "too much".
But someone gave that to me.
So I was kind of a weird kid growing up. My room would generally be clean but at the same time it would be filled with stuff. Decor, art supplies, clothes, furniture, family heirlooms, etc. A lot of the stuff were things that I loved, things that I used on a pretty regular basis; and then some of the things were items that were gifted to me by family. They were items that conjured up memories of the giver and were items that I couldn't imagine getting rid of, for fear of getting rid of the memories that I attached with them. This fear is one that many hold and one that can be hard to get over however I'm here to tell you that years later its just that, a fear. The truth is that our memories are inside of us and not in the possessions we own. They'll always be with us. The person who gave you a gift obviously cares about you. They want you to have peace and to be happy. If holding on to something that you no longer use, need or love is giving you grief, they would most likely tell you to let it go.
I'm Saving That For My Kids
I recently had a somewhat morbid but freeing realization. I was thinking about my possessions - what I own now and what all that I've released over the past few years. I reflected what my family would have to deal with when I die someday - all of my stuff. While they may want a few select items the truth is that they have their own style and needs, they won't want or need it all. While this may not have been the case with past generations it is certainly starting to be the case today, millennials are just not interested in their parents furniture and possessions like people used to be. This isn't stopping parents from holding on to their things for their kids just in case.
Even though I've yet to become a parent I already struggle with this. There have been times over the years where I've saved stuff: old toys, books, etc. that I had from when I was a child to pass on to my future children. While I've kept some of these items, I've ended up donating the rest. I stopped to think about what I was hoarding when really I could be sharing it with other children in need. An example of this was my American girl doll collection. Growing up I treasured my dolls Samantha and Kit and their wardrobe of clothes. I played for hours with my friends coming up with stories of adventures that they would go on. Its been years now since I've picked up my dolls and their many accessories, stored in two plastic tubs for my future daughter(s) that I may or may not have. A few months ago I was looking at these two tubs and reflecting on this. I began to think about all of the little girls out there who would just love to be able to have one of these dolls for themselves and to create memories of their own. Here I was hoarding these things for my children when really there were others who could benefit from them now. I decided then that I was going to share these treasures with someone instead of keeping them for myself. I asked around and was able to find a little girl who couldn't afford an American Girl doll of her own, and was able to bless her with mine. I gave it all to her knowing that someday if I had a daughter of my own someone might do the same for her. A few months later, the grandmother of the little girl sent me a video of the girl playing with the dolls just as I had growing up. She was having the best time! I realized that sharing my possessions with her was just as much a gift as it was for her to receive them.
Questions To Ask Yourself Before & DuringDe-Cluttering
What does my current lifestyle look like?
What are my values?
What kind of lifestyle do I desire living in the future?
Do the items that I own align with my values?
Image By:
Suzanne Hall. Small Space, Big Style: Brunch at Home With A Venice Designer. The ChalkBoard Magazine. 2015. Photo Credit: Yayo Ahumada.
References:
Joshua Becker. America, Stuff, and Self Storage. Becoming Minimalist.
